I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
