i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
