I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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