Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
