Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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