you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
