haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
