meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
