So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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