wat bout pragnant strippers??
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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