somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
