im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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