You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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