every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
