Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
