he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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