Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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