i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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