you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
