But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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