I can feel you judging me through the phone.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
