If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've blown a few things in my day
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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