i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
