i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
