I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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