So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
