i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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