i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She told me I should be a condom model.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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