Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
