it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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