My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
