I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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