This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
