During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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