Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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