I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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