i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
