At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
