shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
