Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
