it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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