Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
