Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
