A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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