i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
