Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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