In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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