someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize