I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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