My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
