Don't make out with my wife yet
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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