his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
