Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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