it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
