Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize