She is in my trunk
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
