This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
