he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
