Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
