Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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