You smell like a Billy Joel song
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just high enough for therapy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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