My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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