Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
