My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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