Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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