farters have to be the big spoon...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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